When You Can’t “Just Do It”: Executive Dysfunction and the Gentle Art of Coping

By Kelly van den Ham

Ever stare at a sink full of dishes, a pile of emails, or a to-do list with just one thing on it… and still can’t move?

Not because you don’t care or because lazy. But because your brain has officially checked out and left you with nothing but guilt and crumbs.

That’s executive dysfunction.

And it’s not a personal failure—it’s a nervous system response. A “nope” from your brain when you’re overwhelmed, under-resourced, or burned the heck out.

What Executive Dysfunction Actually Is

Executive dysfunction happens when your brain’s ability to plan, prioritize, or follow through decides to ghost you. It’s common in neurodivergent folks (hello ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, my peeps), but honestly? Anyone under chronic stress can end up here.

Instead of powering through, your system freezes. Your to-do list feels like an avalanche. Your motivation took the last train out. And suddenly even brushing your teeth feels Olympic.

You might feel:

• Paralyzed by simple decisions

• Overwhelmed by things that “should be easy”

• Like time is slipping but you’re stuck

• Ashamed for not being “productive enough”

Let’s get something straight:
This isn’t laziness. It’s your body waving a white flag.

Soft Ways to Cope When Executive Function Bails

You don’t need a new planner. You need permission. Small structure. Gentle ways forward.

1. One Square Inch of Progress

Forget the whole task. What’s the tiniest version of it?

• Don’t clean the whole kitchen. Just clear the counter.

• Don’t write the whole email. Just open your inbox.

• Don’t plan your whole life. Just drink some water.

Momentum doesn’t start with a bang. It starts with a breath.

2. Body Before Brain

If your body doesn’t feel safe, your brain won’t engage. Try:

• Running warm water over your hands

• A shoulder roll (with a dramatic exhale)

• Three deep belly breaths before any task

This is nervous system work—not procrastination.

3. Externalize the Task

Say it out loud. Write it on a sticky note. Use a voice memo.

Getting the thought out of your head and into the world gives your brain structure and signals, “We can do this.”

4. Build Rituals, Not Routines

Routines break when life does. Rituals flex.

Try:

• Lighting a candle before a work session

• Playing a certain playlist while doing chores

• Drinking tea from a favorite mug while checking email

These small anchors help your brain connect to safety—and motion.

5. Celebrate the Spark, Not the Size

Did you do one thing today? That counts.

Did you rest before the crash? That’s skill.

You’re not behind—you’re responding wisely. Your progress is still valid, even when it’s quiet, slow, or unpretty.

Final Thoughts

Executive dysfunction isn’t a character flaw. It’s a response from a brain trying to protect you in a world that demands more than it gives.

So next time you freeze, try this:

Whisper to yourself:
“Okay love, just one thing. That’s enough for now.”

Then do that one thing. Slowly. Imperfectly. With snacks nearby.

You’re not failing—you’re adapting. And that’s kind of heroic.

Want to work with a coach who gets this?

If you’re tired of pushing, crashing, and feeling like your brain forgot how to brain—I’m here.

👉 Book a free discovery call and let’s create a softer, doable rhythm together—built for you.